Why do I need to pay to write to someone?
Can I choose if I write to a man or a woman?
Must the prisoner have my address?
Is the Prisoner going to be seeking romance?
Once I’ve joined what happens next?
LifeLines has a committee, and team of state co-ordinators who are all there to help both writers and prisoners. Everyone involved in LifeLines is a volunteer who give up their free time to help the organisation run effectively.
Why do I need to pay to write to someone?
LifeLines charges a subscription every year because of the service that we provide to yourself and the prisoner. We are a professional organisation and provide support throughout your friendship. Your subscription covers the following services:
LifeLines is run by volunteers and our Co-ordinators are paid a small amount each year towards their enormous expenses. What we can afford to pay them in expenses does not come close to covering what they actually spend in phone calls and postage and such, but it helps a little.
The subscription rates from April 2009 will be as follows:
Can I choose if I write to a man or a woman?
There are few women on Death Row in the USA in comparison to the men. You can ask your Co-ordinator if there is a woman wanting a pen friend, but we cannot guarantee this at the outset.
Must the prisoner have my address?
When you join LifeLines you will hear from your Co-ordinator who will give you the name and address of the prisoner you will be writing to. Almost all members who join have no concerns about letting the prisoner have their home address to write to. However, some are at first anxious about this. Because of the cost and logistics of such an endeavour, LifeLines does not forward letters between prisoners and pen friends here. This is something that you could discuss individually with your Co-ordinator if it is a great concern for you. But another way around this, if it is a problem for you, would be to take out a Post Office Box for a time until you feel confident that you can give your pen friend your home address. The PO box costs about £1 a week and you could have it for 3 months and see how you feel, then cancel or extend the hire. Your mail would be kept at your local sorting office for you to collect and a card issued to you so that only on presentation of the card can your mail be released to you (or someone collecting your mail on your behalf). To set this up, you just need to contact your local Post Office.
Is the Prisoner going to be seeking romance?
Even though LifeLines actively discourages this, some prisoners do seek romance and sometimes it can become a problem for the pen friend to deal with. This is a classic example of a situation in which your Co-ordinator can help. By advising you and, if necessary, writing to the prisoner on your behalf. There have been times when a prisoner has started out with romance in mind but as the time has passed, realised that he needs and appreciates genuine friendship far more than romantic involvement.
Sadly there are times when a correspondence just does not work out and has to be stopped. Whilst LifeLines asks you to make a true commitment to the prisoner you are writing to, we also appreciate that sometimes this cannot be achieved for one reason or another and we support you all the way if the decision between you and the prisoner and your Co-ordinator is that it is better to stop this particular correspondence. In cases like this, which are rare, but do happen, the prisoner will not be abandoned by LifeLines, the Co-ordinator will keep in touch with that prisoner and arrange for you (if it is what you want) to write to someone else in another State.
All this said, we find that the vast majority of correspondences soon turn into friendship and that people are glad that they made the decision to support and befriend a prisoner on Death Row.
Once I’ve joined what happens next?
LifeLines is run on a state basis, with a system of co-ordinators for each US state with the death penalty. Once your membership form and subscription has been received by our membership secretary she passes it on to the next state co-ordinator who has a prisoner waiting for a penfriend. The co-ordinators then send new members the name of a prisoner and provide help with practical matters. The co-ordinator can advise on what to do if the prisoner stops writing, how to send money, what sort of things may be sent, or how to go about visiting a prisoner.
To start off some people write a longish letter explaining all about themselves, while others have found that a good way to start is to write a postcard - preferably a bright one that can go on the wall - briefly introducing yourself and asking if they would like to write. You might mention how you became interested in writing. It is usually best not to ask the prisoner for details of his or her crime. That is best left to the prisoner to decide. Legally, too, it can be unwise for them to put things on paper. It is, however, perfectly in order to ask how long they have been on Death Row and about their background, and whether they have proper legal support. If you are lucky you will be writing to someone who has asked for a pen-friend. If not, be prepared for anything, ranging from an enthusiastic reply to silence. Some prisoners are illiterate, or do not want to write.
Some people hesitate to write about good things in their lives - people they love, holidays, or even just a beautiful walk or sunset - as they know the person they are writing to is deprived of those things, and they do not want to hurt them. Our experience is that prisoners like to be told about such things: we become their ears and eyes, and what we do brings colour and normality to their lives. It will also make you seem more real. Above all, they want to know that someone cares.
Many prisoners have very little if any support. Their families and friends often desert them. Society shuns them. It is, therefore, possible to get into a close relationship with a prisoner amazingly quickly. This can create problems, especially for women; male prisoners often fall in love with female pen-pals, or try to elevate the relationship into something very special. If this happens talk to your co-ordinator. Problems also arise because many of the men are disturbed, either because of the stresses of Death Row, or because they were disturbed in the first place. Many have been on drugs and suffered violence and abuse as children. The correspondence can easily become very demanding. The prisoners are needy. Some write every day! Once a week is quite common. If you know in advance that you will be unable to write very frequently, it can be a good idea to make this clear at the outset. That way, disappointment can be avoided. You can, for example, suggest that you write only in reply to each other's letters. This ping-pong arrangement means you will be writing at most once a fortnight.
Some prisoners fail to reply to the first letter. It is also not uncommon for a prisoner to stop writing, or for there to be long gaps. It is very difficult writing to a vacuum, but in some cases those unwilling or unable to reply are the neediest of all. Your perseverance is therefore likely to be tested to the limit at some point.
